Is it rude and out of place to tell someone that he needs to lose 30+ pounds to successfully pull off his new haircut?
Probably. Ooops, too late.
Someone explain to me how a 24-year-old man with a college degree could be so fucking functionally illiterate. Please.
(Also, why is this a Facebook status?)
(Also also, pee in the dressing rooms? That shit is sick.)
It’s really great when you are scheduled to work from 6:30am-11:30am, but your manager comes in the day before you are scheduled and says, “Oh, we moved your shift back to 8:00am” and you’re like “Yesss” in your mind but then she says, “Yeah, you’re now scheduled from 8:00am-6:00pm” and you’re like “Waiiit” in your mind and she thinks that she’s doing you a solid but in reality you want to jump off the nearest bridge.
YEP THAT’S GREAT JUST REALLY GREAT
Five things I wish I were doing right now:
Also, sorry-I'm-not-sorry for the BQQ overload lately?
I had a customer in jewelry today whose weave highly resembled Bon Qui Qui’s.
The New Jason, or How I Need to Stop Falling in Love With Straight Dudes.
So, I do this thing where I fall in love with straight dudes.
In college, I had a friend/roommate/secret love interest named Jason. Jason and I were best girlfriends. We lived together, scheduled classes together, lunched midday, hung out on weekends, and even shared clothes. We were nearly common-law hubbies. I would’ve filed for same-sex partner benefits and gotten him literature on adopting babbies (typo and it stays) from Uzbekistan if he hadn’t been so adamant about banging chicks in the next room while I planned our future.
(Well, our idyllic life fell apart because he fell in with some hipsters and became a pretentious ass. BUT THAT’S FOR ANOTHER TIME.)
The summer after I moved out, I studied abroad in Asia and met Andy.
Andy was a visual communications major and kind of a dreamboat. He was a little dweeby and awkward, but in that endearing way that made me want to pat him on the head and give him a muffin. He was also mad cute and had some major photographic skills, which made him all the more delicious. We lived together for ten weeks and got really close, but yet again, he insisted on under-the-radar hookups with a girl in our travel group instead of me.
I’ve been pretty reasonable and realistic about my yen for straight boys for about two years. I had a healthy, stable, long-term relationship. I was making friends with lots of sexy menz and not wanting to get in their pants.
And then I started working at my current job, and met Harry.
Okay, he has an old man’s name. But whatever. He’s tall and blonde and uber-hot. He is witty, runs marathons, dresses well, drives a Mini Cooper, is health-conscious, and makes it a point to schedule lunch dates with me on days that we work together.
He also enjoys going to Victoria’s Secret (his “favorite store”) on his lunch breaks to flirt with all the hot sales girls.
OH LAWD. Jesus give me strength.
I just ate three muffins, a whole pizza, and a peanut butter sandwich.
STOP IT YOU FUCKING FATTY.
